Damned If You Do…

… worse if you continue doing it.  Everything about this story screams selfishness to me.  It reads like something out of Twilight (at least as how Doug Wilson describes it).

This poor woman, pseudonym Sara Hewson, suffered the death of a child.  She continues to suffer from that loss as she remembers a past love and the abortion that killed the child they conceived.  She says of the decision to kill her child:

I knew, even before I rang Richard to tearfully break the news, that I couldn’t have our baby. I didn’t see how it would be possible to combine my studies with being a mother, and there was no way I could see myself being able to give a child up for adoption.

I just wanted it over with as soon as possible. Richard, though stunned by our predicament, said he would stand by me whatever decision I made.

The horror of such rationalization floors me.  Adoption of a healthy baby would be too painful so I will kill the child?  Well, it really is all about her isn’t it?  I mean her studies and all…

This woman is devastated to learn that the father of her now dead child has moved on, gotten married and now has two growing boys.   He seems quite the cad from her story, but he did offer to marry her after the abortion.  She said no, “too young to be tied down” you know.  There is much life to live when you are twenty… who needs a baby or a husband getting in the way?

She knew she would have a baby one day (her plans called for that to happen around 25 or so, just like mum), but here she is now at 39 and no baby.  And the guy who would have married her is sniffing around looking for a little adulterous companionship.  Her life is not going the way she would like.

But she believes there is hope…

I’m well aware that if I don’t fall pregnant within the next six months, I’ll be in my 40s before I become a mother. That’s if I’m lucky enough to conceive and the rest of my life somehow falls miraculously into place.

I am seeing a kind and caring man who would also like children, but ours is a relatively new relationship and we do not know each other well enough to start trying for a baby.

Ah… no talk of marriage, a hint at sexual intimacy and her life might fall miraculously into place.  It is as if 20 years have taught her nothing and she has no idea what preciptated her pain. 

 She has regrets to be sure, but they do not approach repentance.  Her regrets don’t extend past her reach and her loves are of self and ambition.  The “caring” man she is with today may make her a mommy one day, but I am sure that this child will not fill the void created by the one she killed.  Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, calls out to her… Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.  Rest from death, rest from self, rest from lust and those unfulfilled. 

 al sends

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One response to “Damned If You Do…

  1. That is the very sad life that the western world has chosen. It is that counter intuitive concept that CS Lewis discussed, “Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.”

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