Free Books For Everyone*…

… come one and all.  We have achieved 50K!!!!

Please leave a comment in the thread to enter.  If your comment is judged witty you will be entered into our contest.  I will take the top ten and assign that comment a number based upon when you entered your comment.

For example, the 5th commenter, let’s call him Billy, finally says something deemed witty and he is entered as #1.  Billy posts 28th and it proves to be the next witty comment.  He now has two entries.  Other posters finally get in on the act and begin to post witticisms and we fill up our 10.

You may enter as often as you like, but you will have a max of two entries considered in the top 10 and we will be keeping a close eye on you.

Here are the books from which to choose.

Al submits:                    Against Christianity by Peter Leithart

David submits:             City of God, by Augustine

Rob submits:                The Prodigal God, by Tim Keller

*”Everyone” means everyone that meets the strict qualification standards I will randomly impose and not reveal.  This will remove the possibility of getting a free book for most of you, but one deserving man, woman or child will walk away “book rich.”  If you believe that one book makes you rich, that is.

al sends

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39 responses to “Free Books For Everyone*…

  1. The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back: A Tribute to Modern Evangelical Exegesis (well, sort of…)

    Of all the fabulous fluid extraction devices that the fleet-food industry has placed at our disposal, I will wield but one of these accoutrements in the battle for liquid satisfaction. Like Excalibur, I brandish my oral tool in the skirmishes against the plethora of imperfect imposters; it is nothing less than the MacDonald’s drinking straw that I extol!
    When one first sets eyes upon this marvel of modern science, fain would he perceive the elegant packaging that adorns this straw. Only Venus herself could have chosen a more perfect wrapping. The soft-white coloring symbolizes the purity of character that the tool embodies, yet the deeply crimped edge which spans three sides of the creation indicate the passion that went into the creation of this majestic wonder. The packaging is such a work of art that the artist felt obligated to sign the work not once (as a mere mortal like Michelangelo might do), but four
    times: McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s.
    If one is very careful, one may excise the package’s contents without desecrating the scripted signature or the golden initials that adorn the straw’s wrappings. When it is fully unsheathed one will notice the perfect symmetry of the drinking creation. The tubular structure spans an impressive twenty point six-one-three centimeters and has an interior diameter of a breathtaking point two-seven-two inches! It is constructed of a space-age polypropylene polymer which maintains its structural integrity when exposed to thermal extremes. The straw is a marvel of both the scientific and artistic worlds.
    Were van Gogh to have created this masterpiece, he would have never needed to cut off his ear, for all the earth’s peoples would have loved him. The golden and crimson stripes that adorn the pure white of the straw are symbolic of all the earth’s peoples. These colors also represent the blood and the body of Christ that was shed to redeem mankind; were Mr. McDonald around two thousand years ago, Jesus most certainly would have been well equipped with one of these tools while serving the Last Supper. Surely the Holy Grail would have been outfitted with this holy straw.
    But even as we extol the virtues of this McDonaldland holy relic, there are those miscreants and pagans who abuse our straw. There are those people who have the audacity to crumple the delicate dressings that house our straw and use the straw as a miniature blow-gun to propel the artwork at unsuspecting friends. There are those who rend the drinking tool into pieces and stick the remnants into their own noses and ears—profanity! There are even those who torturously wrap and twist the straw around on itself and then, in a vulgar display of barbarism, flick the trapped air in the middle causing a loud crack: a death-wail! I cannot fathom why these transgressions are taking place, other than that they are representative of the breakdown of the American family; I only know that I abhor even the reference to these heinous activities!
    Yet, if we insulate ourselves from the base elements of society, we are still free to appreciate, and, if I may be so bold, pay homage to the most high McDonald’s straw. This straw is the culmination of the Earth’s culture not only of today, but for years to come. Truly, if there is a glimmer of hope for world peace, it lies within this perfect implement of consumption. I once heard a tale of how a group of wealthy sheiks wished to bring tranquility to the middle east by acquiring a straw for every man, woman, and oil well in their nations. The tragedy of this story lies in how the Arabs overburdened their camels with the weight of these straws; the caravan never made it across the blazing desert. It was feared that the straw of peace had inadvertently become the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  2. Just produce wit, out of the blue, apropos of nothing? OK, here goes:

    Things have come to a pretty pass when the two highest hopes we can cherish about our new President is that he is either a baldfaced liar or an abject failure.

  3. “It seems reckless to bring into play the behavior of an idiot to set a standard for American life. That is exactly what we do every time we “give credibility to the absurd” by not rebuking what we know to be lies and liars”……..Ed Anthony

    ed

  4. “While it is true that redemption brings about improvement in the individual, here and now, improvement is not the goal and ~certainly is not salvation. That would be “new wine” in old skins, and just a “patch” on an old garment. The will of GOD is and always has been ” the total conformity to the image, of Jesus Christ” by every believer. (Romans 8: 29) The old man has to die, not just be improved upon.”…….Ed Anthony

    ed

  5. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And
    I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it. (Jack Handy)

  6. “Most people can’t be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted. Face it, guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows.”

    Before I wear out my welcome,……Does sarcastic count as witty?

    ed

  7. “Don’t stop to bark back at the dogs. Do your work. Let liars lie, let sectarians quarrel, let critics malign, let enemies accuse, let the devil do his worst; but see to it nothing hinders you from fulfilling with joy the work God has given you.”…Ed Anthony

    ed

  8. Does poetry count? Here’s one of my favorites by Sarah Efird titled:

    Let’s Let This Be The Only Poem About Cutaneous and Visceral Leishmaniasis

    As intellectually stimulating and potentially edifying as it is to think about

    Swollen glands,

    Enlarged spleens,

    And bleeding sores that are unresponsive to antiprotozoal treatment,

    One poem describing the

    ravaging desecration

    of the body’s phagocytes

    by ruthless donovai parasites

    is probably enough.

    I’m not saying that you can’t write a poem about two lovers walking along a river, and one of them secretly has Leishmaniasis, but don’t mention it in the poem. Also, if you write a poem about someone sitting pensive on their couch reminiscing about seeing a field of daffodils, it’s okay if they are suffering from Cutaneous Leishmaniasis, as long as you don’t refer to the disease at all in any stanza whatsoever.

    Be vague is all I’m saying.

    “Then why do you get to write a poem about

    A sputum-producing dry cough,

    shaking, lethargy,

    disorientation,

    and rectal abscesses?”

    you ask.

    Good question. I may have been wrong to do so. But it’s done now, and I don’t think anyone else should attempt to delve into the tragic mystery of

    blistering lesions and

    Deterioration of the peripheral nerves

    Lining the mucous membranes

    In the nose and mouth.

    It’s just not that poetic of a topic.

  9. I see Peter Leithart every day, so I get enough of his opposition to Christianity.

    I live in the city (maybe I should say town) of God, so I don’t need Augustine to tell me anything about it.

    So I’ll take Rob’s book if the other guys don’t mind.

  10. I like that Dan.

    Becky poetry is acceptable.

    CRS, i like puns. If I like it is good for you!

    Justin, you could have stopped in and just typed the home row and i would have been pleased.

    Rogers, my brother, any reference to councils of the fourth century is a shoo in for qualification.

    Ed, quoting Sam Clemons (his friends called him Sam) is also a deal maker.

    al sends

  11. I’d enter into this contest, but “random” drawings aren’t my style. Far too Armenian for my taste. I never could stand them Commys, wall or no wall. One minute you’re tossing around names in a hat, next minute they’ve got the revolver out spinnin’ that cylinder boy.

  12. After weeks of commando Christmas shopping,
    Packing and preparing for a road trip,
    Putting together the Christmas tree from Hades,
    (Six hours…. Six hours of labor. For a tree)
    Slaving at the stove baking cookies, cookies and more cookies
    Buying a recliner for my dh’s birthday… taking BACK said recliner,
    Wrapping a gazillion presents despite the back pain and paper cuts
    Feverishly preparing and mailing out (nearly 100) Christmas cards,
    Attending three school functions and church,
    Driving for eight hours, THRU Atlanta to visit lovely family,
    Endure, I mean, enjoy five days of family and the ensuing family drama,
    Drive back home another eight hours, including several wrong turns in Atlanta,
    Christmas dinner at MY house?!!! Tonight?! Sure!
    A little family drama here, a little family drama there…
    Wrapping paper, toys and leftovers to the gills

    And YA’LL want me to think of something witty to say?!

    I don’t think so.

    I say I deserve one of those books.

  13. Well I “aint” moving to Idaho, it snows there. But since today is my birthday maybe sg could console me with one of her REAL cookies, with a candle in it.

  14. Dan, we follow the Church calendar around here… You will have to wait until Epiphany. Or until I get over this crazy crud I have been fighting… Day 8… now the antibiotics.

    al sends

  15. Dan, I’ve been wondering the same thing. I’ve tried the pity path, Winford’s tried the, “hey, it’s my birthday!” path… nothing has seemed to work. I figured we just weren’t witty enough for these basket guys. Maybe the guy in their new post complaining about zionist juice will get a book. Who knows/

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