Bring Out Your Dead…

… and if it gets hot enough, we will eat them.

If steps aren’t taken to stem global warming, “We’ll be eight degrees hotter in 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow,” Turner said during a wide-ranging, hour-long interview with PBS’s Charlie Rose that aired Tuesday.

“Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals,” said Turner, 69. “Civilization will have broken down. The few people left will be living in a failed state — like Somalia or Sudan — and living conditions will be intolerable.”

Shocking? You bet. Worried? Not yet.

If someone other than Ted Turner had said this there might be a hitch in my gitty-up, but this our Crazy Uncle Ted. No one really listens to their crazy Uncle.  Do they?

Here are a couple of Ted’s more precious moments in talking silly:

He once called Christianity a religion for losers. (I actually agree with that statement. We are willing to lose the whole world while gaining our souls.  Don’t know if Ted had that in mind though.)

He rewrote the 10 commandments, calling them his 10 Voluntary Initiatives:

1. I promise to have love and respect for the planet earth and living things thereon, especially my fellow species–humankind.
2. I promise to treat all persons everywhere with dignity, respect, and friendliness.
3. I promise to have no more than two children, or no more than my nation suggests.
4. I promise to use my best efforts to save what is left of our natural world in its untouched state and to restore damaged or destroyed areas where practical.
5. I pledge to use as little nonrenewable resources as possible.
6. I pledge to use as little toxic chemicals, pesticides, and other poisons as possible and to work for their reduction by others.
7. I promise to contribute to those less fortunate than myself, to help them become self-sufficient and enjoy the benefits of a decent life, including clean air and water, adequate food and health care, housing, education, and individual rights.
8. I reject the use of force, in particular military force, and back United Nations arbitration of international disputes.
9. I support the total elimination of all nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons of mass destruction.
10. I support the United Nations and its efforts to collectively improve the conditions of the planet.

Ted also loves the American Bison and buys up land to support them.  He raises them for food; you know – for people; like the ones he believes too numerous for this over loaded planet. 

One way to combat global warming, Turner said, is to stabilize the population.

“We’re too many people; that’s why we have global warming,” he said. “Too many people are using too much stuff.”

Oh, and about the bison.  It was said today that if you want to save a species from extinction then turn it into food.  Folks will keep an animal around if it can be turned into a tasty snack.  It does wonders for the critters if they can be flame broiled. 

In the linked article near the top of this post, our Crazy Uncle said that those who don’t die will turn to cannibalism to survive.  Its possible I’m paranoid, but Ted may be setting us up for people farming!  Its not as crazy as it sounds.

DON’T EAT THE SOYLENT GREEN!  ITS PEOPLE!  ITS PEEEEOPLE! (sound of Charlton Heston sobbing in the background)

And for those who thought they were getting a Monty Python Vid…  cheers:

al sends


6 responses to “Bring Out Your Dead…

  1. Okay, Ted is a bit, um, nutty. But, interestingly, I think some of his views are more eschatologically correct than some of his fiercest critics. I’m not sayin’ ol’ Uncle Screw Ball is one we should be looking to for spiritual guidance. I’m just sayin’ even an ass speaks God’s truth from time to time.

  2. Man, I love Ted’s restaurant. The Bison French dip is to die for — but not literally, like as in cannibalism and all that. Though I will say that the last time I ate at Ted’s the following three things happened:
    1. The waiter spilled a glass of water into the laps of three (count ’em, 3) of us.
    2. The food took 45 minutes to arrive.
    3. I paid with a $50 bill (and I don’t remember why. I live in a cashless world typically), and I got change in $2 bills — like 16 of them or something. What’s up with that? They still make $2 bills?

    But the French dip? Well I like the French dip.

    I often wish I could keep breaking the third commandment.

    End of randomness. Spoon. OK, now I’m finished being random.

  3. Rob, I don’t know if any of Ted’s views are eschatologicaly correct. Here is why… The foundation of any true eschatology is the Gospel. If Jesus Christ is not Lord over the individual and the whole, the accidental elements he is espousing are corrupt; even if the accidents of Ted’s worldview happen to comport with the Christian worldview.

    So, for Ted to say, for example, that he wants to use as few of the earths resources as possible, may lineup with a Christian eschatology it is not a correct view of the earth or of man or of God. If Ted’s view of God is blasphemous; if he refuses to acknowledge God as Creator and his understanding of the place of man in God’s creation is in error; what is there left to get right? At best he is a hypocrite.

    al sends

  4. This is very creepy because my Dad just told me all about the Heston movie with the soilent green (we were talking about ‘I Am Legend’ the book vs. the movie).

    Rob – it’s ok Al rebuked me like that once too, except I really deserved it. [s]

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