Me: Hey! You’re Doug Wilson, aren’t you?
Wilson: Yes, I am.
Me: Wow. This is great. You’re on my list!
Wilson: What list would that be?
Me: (Presenting copy of said list) This list. This is a list of guys I need to beat in a contest of intellect.
Wilson: Is that right?
Me: Yup. See? (Showing list) You’re right here at the top.
Me: Yeah. That’s going to be a real brawl!
Me: So, what do you think? How do you want to do this?
Wilson: Do what?
Me: You know, mix it up. We engage in a debate, I show my superiority and then I move on to the next guy.
Wilson: (Showing signs of being bothered) Just who are you, anyway!?
Me: Don’t try to change the subject. That is a classic diversionary tactic, and I won’t fall for it.
Wilson: Look, I’m not really interested in…
Me: What? Are you scared? Afraid you’ll be embarrassed?
Wilson: Um, no. I just don’t see the point.
Wilson: Look, I’m not scared. I don’t know you or anything about you, but this whole thing clearly shows that you’re not that bright. I don’t really see any reason for continuing this conversation. So, if you don’t mind, I’ll be on my way.
Me: Come on, Doug. What’s it going to be? Ecclesiology? Eschatology? Soteriology? …
Wilson: Never mind. Why are you doing this?
Me: Because you’re on my list.
Wilson: (Clearly annoyed) I’m clearly annoyed. Do you think you’re proving anything? I have high school students (teams of them, in fact) that are better equipped than you to handle rigorous debate. To debate you would be child’s play, frankly, and the embarrassment would be yours. I don’t want to shame you, but if you insist…
Me: Wait a minute. You don’t think I can take you?
Me: I should probably take your name off the list, then.
Wilson: (Shaking head) It’s all in Gerard, man.