… turns coal into a diamond or a man with no self-confidence into a presidential candidate.  My carbon is not the stern stuff of the former so…

The overwhelming response of those people willing to abandon reason for political gain has convinced me to give the people what they deserve: al sends for president!

(pause for applause)

Let me make this clear.  This is for the good of the country and not my own benefit. 

If we were not in such dire straits I would not even contemplate such a run.  Can you imagine what a race like this will do to my marriage?  In fact, don’t tell my wife (Mary wont read this.  She gave up on this blog after she learned that we would not actually be talking about Longaberger).

OK here is my game plan…

Signs – The crappier the better.

YouTube – No Obama-girl for me.  Get me a Proverbs 31 woman.

Organization – Somebody come up with something.  Take your time; we have like 4 months or something.

Money – Sink it into a dirigible.  Pay for it with gold.

Message – I want to stay on topic here, so this is important:

  1. Economic policy –  Did I mention buying gold? Do that!
  2. War – What is it good for?  Absolutely nothing (unless Congress says so, seriously)
  3. Diplomacy – We will craft our policies after a rousing game of Castle Risk.
  4. Banking – Mattresses were good enough for my grandfather they should be good enough for the country.

Debates – I plan to say some things that no one will listen to.

Vice President – yeah right.

I am open for suggestions when it comes to Cabinet Positions.  Kaleb will make a great War Secretary (back to Jefferson is a step forward), but I will also need the following:

  1. Secretary of Shut-Down-The-Stinkin’-Borders
  2. Secretary of Reeducation – (not Orwellian, the Dorothy Sayers’ model I think. We will hold our meetings at the Vice President’s house in  room 101  room 102.)
  3. Czar of Small Sandwiches –  PB&J with the crusts cut off.  (I don’t really think this is Constitutional, but I like to see the letters C and Z right next to each other.)
  4. A Secretary of State-lite
  5. Chief dismantler of the Federal Reserve

We need a campaign slogan.  Please feel free to take it to the Meta.

 Remember… xnay on the alkingtay to the ifeway.

al Tecumseh “The bringer of Bountiful Stuff” sends 


5 responses to “Pressure…

  1. The only people abandoning reason are those that have or are thinking about voting for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, or John McCain. I love the platform, very much like Ron Paul’s platform. One question, if elected, will the government provide the matresses or will it let the free market decide? Also, will the taxpayers be fitting the bill for the Castle Risk game? Better be prepared to lay out specifics, wouldn’t want people thinking you was all style and no substance, now would we? And as cool as the czar looks, better change it, less you be accused of being a communist. Vice President: Frank Turk, Ron Paul, or Roy Moore? Website and Organization: all of your positions are clearly stated and your supporters already have a link to it. Slogan: ? Have to get back to you on that one. OK, I have had enough fun with this for now. Got to drive home in a blizzard. Talk to you all later.

  2. Pingback: The Wright Conspiracy « After The Handbasket

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