… turns coal into a diamond or a man with no self-confidence into a presidential candidate. My carbon is not the stern stuff of the former so…
The overwhelming response of those people willing to abandon reason for political gain has convinced me to give the people what they deserve: al sends for president!
(pause for applause)
Let me make this clear. This is for the good of the country and not my own benefit.
If we were not in such dire straits I would not even contemplate such a run. Can you imagine what a race like this will do to my marriage? In fact, don’t tell my wife (Mary wont read this. She gave up on this blog after she learned that we would not actually be talking about Longaberger).
OK here is my game plan…
Signs – The crappier the better.
YouTube – No Obama-girl for me. Get me a Proverbs 31 woman.
Organization – Somebody come up with something. Take your time; we have like 4 months or something.
Money – Sink it into a dirigible. Pay for it with gold.
Message – I want to stay on topic here, so this is important:
Economic policy – Did I mention buying gold? Do that!
War – What is it good for? Absolutely nothing (unless Congress says so, seriously)
Diplomacy – We will craft our policies after a rousing game of Castle Risk.
Banking – Mattresses were good enough for my grandfather they should be good enough for the country.
Debates – I plan to say some things that no one will listen to.
Vice President – yeah right.
I am open for suggestions when it comes to Cabinet Positions. Kaleb will make a great War Secretary (back to Jefferson is a step forward), but I will also need the following:
Secretary of Shut-Down-The-Stinkin’-Borders
Secretary of Reeducation – (not Orwellian, the Dorothy Sayers’ model I think. We will hold our meetings at the Vice President’s house in
room 101room 102.)
Czar of Small Sandwiches – PB&J with the crusts cut off. (I don’t really think this is Constitutional, but I like to see the letters C and Z right next to each other.)
A Secretary of State-lite
Chief dismantler of the Federal Reserve
We need a campaign slogan. Please feel free to take it to the Meta.
Remember… xnay on the alkingtay to the ifeway.
Tecumseh “The bringer of Bountiful Stuff” sends